Channing Tatum

No soy muy inteligente...

I mean, no soy inteligente como otras personas...asi, no puedo ser un ingeniero.

Tengo sueno. Quiero dormir para el resto de mi vida.

Having crazy smart mentors have made me realize that. Goodnight.

Training Wheels

My dad taught me to ride a bike today :) After I've driven a car for a while and 2 months before my 18th birthday. Lol. Long overdue, but still cool. He was surprised that I kinda already knew how.
So now onto a real bike.....he bought a little bike for me. But now I've graduated! But he still won't let me bike in the streets -______- I guess I'll wait for a bigger bike so it doesn't look so embarrassing. But still. -__-

I idealize

and fantasize
and romanticize
but I know that I'm wrong to do that
Here's to a new beginning~

I'm so awk. :) Hehe

I feel your heartbeat~

"I'm tryin' to put it all back together.
I've got a story and I'm tryin' to tell it right.
I've got the kerosene and the desire.
I'm trying to start a flame in the heart of the night
Oh you gotta fire and it's burnin' in the rain.
Thought that it went out, but it's burnin' just the same.
And you don't look back, not for anything."

I do feel better,

after articulating my feelings in a blog :)

While I never thought for a moment that life WON'T go on, I think I can  handle things. But I am sooo not going to school on Monday. And I schedule my dental appointment for a time that would require me to get out of Block 2 government. Not avoidance. Just restraint. I'm happy now, but still violent as ever. I'd love to beat her up -__- I wanna see how she fends without her glare and manipulative words. Strength and determination can only go so far. But I've got the crazy violence to stand a chance.

My kick boxing membership kicks in in a few weeks. I would go day dream about hurting her, but nah, I'm not gonna stress over putting down other people like she does. Lalala.

3am scholarship time wheeeeeeeeeeee

Blogging

is supposed to release stress, right? Writing a letter to someone and never sending it is supposed to make you feel better, right?

I hope I can leave all of this behind me, move on, and never think about this again.
Disclaimers to anyone who reads my rants...
1) You don't have to if you don't want to.
2) If you're sitting there thinking of how bad of a person I am, and hating me as much as I hate Kovacic, and judging me.......what makes you better than me?

I'll make a follow up post later to reflect on everything. But for now, I'll concentrate on things that really matter: like scholarships, robotics, grades (in every class but government, because I have no motivation to do well in a class taught by such an imbecile) and learning to be a better person on my own terms, not hers. I'll smile when I want to and feel like it, not when she's putting me down for not smiling while she's yelling at me. And she yells without raising her voice. Rwarrrrrrrrr //end rant.

"Everybody has a dark side; do you love me? Can you love mine?"

Kelly Kovacic. Daughter of the mayor of Arcadia. Government teacher. One of the final four for the National Teacher Award. Teacher at the Preuss School UCSD. National Honors Society advisor. Total oadshfoahsdf.

I don't  understand why she blames me for everything. I'm one of the officers, fine. I'm an officer in the Group B, the group that's running the canned food drive right now. Fine. But she gave me an hour lecture. She put everything on me. She called me out in front of every NHS member. She told me to resign from my position because she said I'm not capable. Really? Well, if she does do something, I'm not going down without a fight.  I'm tired of standing there listening to her put me down and not being able to do anything about it.

I talked to some people and teachers about it and they all say "sorry you had to go through that", but I don't know what to do from here. I won't go into the borderline criminal things I would LIKE to do to her, and instead focus on what I SHOULD do. I don't understand why she had to pick on me. Group A officers totally shirked their Battle of the Batteries event, putting the weight totally on the other officers. Why isn't she blaming them?

E's right, she needs to get laid. Reeeeeeeeeal badly. And even if there is the slightest chance that someone is already doing it; they're not doing a very good job.

She doesn't care about NHS. It's not even on her list of jobs that she has. She's probably only the advisor so that she can put it on her national teacher resume. Ugh. She disgusts me. She tells people to email her if they're going to be absent so that she can excuse them and let them make up the reading quiz. But when someone is absent too many times (for good reasons, like a tournament or college visits), she claims that the rule doesn't apply anymore. Even though her syllabus says that the rule stands. She gives people an entire letter grade lower because SHE forgot to input a big grade, even though they have proof from turnitin.com that they submitted it on time. Incompetent. Don't assign a shit load of work that YOU can't even keep up with. Stupid bitch. She doesn't care about anyone. For the NHS scholarship, she deliberately kept me in the dark about it and didn't send the notification to only me. I still knew about it and gave her a folder. Yet she told all the other candidates who applied that she completed the rec and to finish their application. Except me. So I had no idea if she finished her part so I scrambled to get my part done anyway. If she didn't want to write that stupid rec for me (and I had no choice but to ask her because it HAD to be the NHS advisor), she shoulda said so. Who's not living up to their responsibilities now, Kelly? She never told us about the conditions on the canned food drive that the principle set, even though she should have gotten the approval sheet back from administration. And the principle told us himself and now we have to change the process we previously agreed on. Who's failing, Kelly? And she had the audacity to blame me. The worst kind of leader = a person who pretends to be a leader while they use sweet words and never apologize for their own mistakes. She's more like a tyrant than a teacher.

She threatens us with "you guys disappoint me" and "you're supposed to be a leader" (without teaching like she's supposed to, she just gives me a goal, a threat--a long threat at that--and makes me go on my way). She says "oh, what makes you think you can wear the gold sash at graduation" fine, bitch, I won't wear it. She's always a bitch, mean, politically correct and fake. Her smiles are all fake and her laugh is always "polite" at best. I hate fake people. I hate people who skirt around the issue and phrase things nicely, even though their true meaning is disgusting. Kovacic is such a fake. Always putting people down for making the slightest mistake. So many people hate her but we can't do anything. How has she become such a powerful figure at Preuss? She even coerced the other teachers into giving less homework BECAUSE she's giving so much that they feel bad for us. I don't care about her class. If she gives me one of those voting registration forms, I'm just gonna tear them up and throw them in the trash.

She said if I was in the group that was planning the event, shouldn't I be excited? the fuck, who the fuck is she to tell me how I should act? I'm not an excited person by birth. Don't fucking tell me when to smile. For someone who teaches that free speech and freedom to petition is a fundamental law, she sure is good at suppressing freedom. Hypocrite.

I'm 17 years old. I'm still learning. I've made mistakes. I'll change and grow at my own pace. What's her excuse, Ms. I graduated from Stanford?

Black Bird Tattoos

I want a medium sized tattoo across my midback with black birds (sparrows?) flying across it and the words "create yourself" flying with them.

or i want the birds on my hip, starting from a bird with its wings folded in, spreading its wings, then taking full flight around my rib cage

Body art, yummy. I think tattoos are sooo incredibly sexy, if done thoughtfully. It should be meaningful but at the same time, it shouldn't be obviously visible, too colorful or cover too much skin.

I'm never getting one across my lower back. Too skanky, overdone, and I might want an epidural in the future. Lol.

Of course,

you still sends my heart beating like an 808 drum every time. I'm stupid.
(Hahha Ke$ha reference.)

Haven't had much to blog about lately. Life's just a drag, one day at a time.
My state of mind needs to change.