Take me down like I'm a domino.

I admit it, I'm totally into mainstream/upbeat/catchy songs. I've fallen for the propaganda of the media and the radio broadcasting companies. Arrest me :P

Big head, small brain.

Ricardo does all the problem solving in programming -___- I can barely keep up with what they're talking about. It's like, it takes me twice as long to reach the same conclusion as everyone else does. When they speak programming language, it's like they're speaking Latin. Every word passes over my head and out the door. This is soo hardddd. But at least *we* (and I use this *we* in the loosest term possible...) got the robot to be able to zone in on the reflective tape around the basketball hoops and to calculate the distance between it and the hoop. Now we're working on figuring out the angle of the robot relative to the back board if the camera is not perfectly perpendicular to the back board. Head. Swimming. Because. Math. Is. Hard.

I have a big head. But a small brain :( I think that my skull takes up like half the space in there. Maybe that's why I'm so hard-headed and stubborn. :( Like I said in programming today... "I apologize for my..........small brain." And I paused for a long ass time trying to find a nice way of putting it. My slow ass. :( But I am not giving up! There's 3.5 more weeks to build season and I WILL FIGURE THIS OUT RAWRRRRRRRRRR.

Bestfriend

"No! No. No. No. NO." was what Amaris said when I asked her if I should give a certain boy a chance. She knows him too, so I asked her for her opinion. "He doesn't go to college. And I think that you need an intellectual guy."

Haha. She realizes things about me that I haven't even seen yet. She's right. Him and I are in two different worlds. Nothing arrogant or anything like that. I just honestly think that we wouldn't have anything to talk about, after the "ahmahgahhwe'retogetherwheeeelet'sflirtandblahblahblah" stage is over.

I'm sad that we get on each other's nerves a lot (Amaris and I) D: We're both busy and stressed. But that shouldn't be a reason? We've always been harsh on each other. I don't know why. But maybe the reason that I'm so mean to her IS precisely because we're so close that I don't have to put on a fake smile as much as I do when conversing with other people. Lalala. Just a reflection on today.

And fucking 7th grade boys. I tutor them in Life Science and OH MY GOD all they talk about are dicks and vaginas and shit like that. They can't concentrate on their work. It's like that's ALL THEY THINK ABOUT. Ugh! I want to be a teacher, but I need to be a college professor. But that means lots of accomplishments and degrees under my belt before I can teach at that level. Sigh.

I think too much.

Life's too short to keep thinking so much and playing it safe. I'll fuck up now so that when I'm older, I won't have regrets. Who's to say that I'll even HAVE an older self? Who's to say I'll even live that long? It's not like I'm gonna go ruin my life. Just have fun. My mindset needs to change. To be more flexible. So leggo.

“The numbness of his loss had passed, and the pain would hit me out of nowhere, doubling me over, racking my body with sobs. Where are you? I would cry out in my mind. Where have you gone? Of course, there was never any answer.” 
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

Ditto, kid.

“I remember everything about you, you’re the one who wasn’t paying attention.” 
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

“My nightmares are usually about losing you. I'm okay once I realize you're here.”

Peeta said as he holds her close.

*Edit:
I want someone who's been my friend for a while.
I want to be comfortable with them first.
The dating game is a bullshit process
Made up by people who want instant gratification
Who want someone just to fill up the silence
Not to find that special someone
Well, I'm willing to wait.

But maybe my waiting game is played out, too
Because nothing is happening
I'm too shy to do anything
And the guy I like will most likely be too
(Because I dislike guys who are too upfront
About their intentions. Such a turn off.)
My subconscious can dream about him all it wants
(I think I had two dreams about him last night.
But I slept for a long time.)
And I can daydream about our first kiss all I want.

But nothing will happen.
And nothing will ever happen.
And so, there we go.
The cycle will go on, until I'm too tired to live any more.

Courses of Study

Majors:
Engineering
Biochem
Chem engineering

Minors:
English-Creative Writing
Ethnic Studies
Gender Studies
Religious Studies
Business Management

I'm interested in too many things

The most dangerous ones are the ones that have nothing left to lose.

"I want to tell him that he's not being fair. That we were strangers. That I did what it took to stay alive, to keep us both alive in the arena. That I can't explain how things are with Gale because I don't know myself. That it's no good loving me because I'm never going to get married anyway and he'd just end up hating me later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn't matter because I'll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to children. And how can he? How can he after what we've just been through?
I also want to tell him how I much I already miss him. But that wouldn't be fair on my part.
So we just stand there silently, watching our grimy little station rise up around us."

Story of my life. Well, aside from the whole Hunger Games part. I really wish I could do something like that, though. I like living in my own little world. I like my dreams, where I'm the strong heroine in the story instead of the little girl lost in life and lost in love. I like when there's only one main girl and one main guy. And they inevitably hopelessly fall in love. I hate this dating system thing we have going on.

I don't care if I'm fat, as long as I'm not killing myself with certain foods.

Top 10 Worst Foods - Nutrition by Natalie

This isn't the best stand still pic, lol.
Hot dogs = mystery meat. Potato chips = yeuch.
Potato chips and french fries = lots of carcinogen = cancer @_@
Common junk food can lead to cancer. Jeez.

Chips or soda or cookies once in a while is fine...but eating it on a daily basis is bad... So apparently, fast foods have preservatives that don't decompose. No wonder all those buckets of McDonald french fries and huge bags of potato chips I ate as a child made me so miserable.
My dad's a nurse. Why didn't he tell me not to eat those things :( :( :(
I don't feel so good.

MUST START RUNNING AGAIN. UGH!

I hate being so out of shape. I hate it I hate it I hate it. I hate getting out of breath after just doing a lap around the field at school (which is only 1/6 of a mile!!!!). I hate feeling like I'm going to throw up. The only thing I like about being out of shape is that when I DO exercise, I end up being super sore afterwards. The soreness makes me feel as if I actually accomplished something. But compared with the old me who ran ten miles every week? This is just pathetic. I can picture my muscles withering to little tissues, just waiting to be revived. I can picture all the fat issues growing on top of them, overpowering them, pushing them out of existence.

I ate three cookies for breakfast. What the hell is wrong with me? Ugh! I need to stop baking. Either that, or cook and make my friends eat them so I don't end up eating everything. -___- And my parents don't end up eating everything, because it's bad for them, with all their health issues.

I hate how lazy I am.
So why don't you change it (mocking voice).
Okay, I will!

Disclaimer: heh, see how weird I am, talking to myself.

"In life, you don't find yourself. You create yourself."

I kind of regret pushing people away all of these years. Now, halfway through my senior year...all I can think is that: I WISH I had made an effort to mend that rift. I WISH I had made more of an effort to show my very best friends I care about them. But all I can do now is make the best of what's left. After graduation, all I can do is try to keep in touch with people and life will play on from there. 

But I guess I had to go through all this personal conflict and self aggravation, in order to transcend every teaching my parents have ever bestowed upon me. I'm still working on opening up to others, so that they don't misunderstand my intentions, and pealing away this mask that I hold in front of my face every second of the day. (Well, except when I'm with my close friends who I tell every minute, embarrassing, self defacing detail to.) 

Life is a working progress.

Lyric Videos,

is it just me, or are these the new things? Instead of ghetto lyric videos that fans make on YouTube, the singers are actually making lyric videos.

Cold Play is so good. Their videos are always really cool, but this is my favorite video:

Winter Break's over. Here's to the longest 6 months of my life~ We just be let out of school as soon as college apps are over T_T But I guess I'd be as unproductive and miserable as I was over break. (Well, not miserable, but bored out of my mind.)

B-e-a-utiful

I usually don't like original songs done by youtube cover singers. But this one is actually good xD

I wanna be blown away
I wanna be swept off my feet
I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe
I wanna be lost in love
I wanna be your dream come true
I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you
Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful
Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Prechorus 2
Cuz she's with him, I'm still hurting
Try to pretend but it's not working
I just wanna be where they are

Bridge
My heart is waiting for your love
My hand is waiting for your touch
My lips just wanna be kissed by you

"Only silence, as it's ending. Like we never had a chance."

Happy New Years :)
Here's to better decisions, a smarter, more confident, more relaxed me.
Luan Legacy reminded me something about it being a Vietnamese superstition to clean your room on the first day of the new year. I'm pretty sure they go by the Asian calendar, though. So I'll procrastinate--I mean, do it when it's Chinese New Year :)
I'm pretty content as I sit here with my Strawberry Shortcake yogurt and cup of warm hot chocolate, writing my essays for scholarships. So many essays. Is this how 2012 is going to be like? Whatever. As long as I go to college without taking out unsubsidized loans :P

As the smoke clears, I awaken and untangle you from me. Would it make you feel better to watch me while I bleed?...You can take everything I have. You can break everything I am, like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper. Go on and try to tear me down, I will rising from the ground like a skyscaper. Yeah, it's a long way down. But I'm closer to the clouds up here.

Ah, Demi. Damn, girl.
This reminds me of a song I would have listened to in my depressed state. Some time ago :P
But it's time to stop blaming you for everything that went wrong after you came along.
It's time to put the responsibility on me, and no one else but me. I make my own choices, I make my own mistakes. It's my fault.

Cooking and Baking

There are so many cups of melted butter and fat in those cookies I made. So many cups of sugar. All those tablespoons of oil and salt in the dishes that I made. Why the hell did I start cooking -__- This is so bad now that I know what's in what I'm eating. My stomach is enormous, yikes. All that working out a few months ago, wasted. Now I need to start again, sigh.

Why, oh why, did Eric shave all that delicious hair off his head? The "flip"! The smooth, conditioned hotness. Why does such a hottie have to play such a dumb role on television. Oh, if only he was truly perfect. I'd finally have a celebrity crush? Hahaha.

Anyway, I have a couple days of break left. Must hang out with people, must get all my homework done, must send out business letters on behalf of robotics, and most of all....must get my sleeping schedule back in order. :) Good night!

Jeanette Wright: 2011 California Beat the Odds Scholarship Recipient

This is Jeanette Wright. She, along with all the other Beat the Odds recipients and all the other students like her, are amazing and inspirational. She gives me hope that the future of the world isn't SO bleak. I just wish that people like her were ruling the world and going to Ivy Leagues and etc.
It's one thing to watch these videos of other kids, but it's another to actually know them. We didn't really get to know each other much while at APYLP, but I'm just glad that I had the opportunity to meet her. I wanna watch these people become GREAT :)

Musical Theater?

Classic. Lovelovelove.

Guys who can sing are so sexy. This never gets old :)

Boy Meets World.

I miss watching this with my brother in the good old days. The little sisters in this show are always protected and loved by their older brothers ^___^ I'm so lucky I have a great older brother.

I should have taken more life lessons from this show. But then I didn't have this kind of insight years ago. The boys drop a couple compliments, and the girls fawn over them. How guys are dumb and blahhhhh. So many life mistakes.